Monday, March 31, 2014

Hope

What?! Two posts in two days?! Yep, I was pretty anxious to share with you guys a new story!

                                                                Hope

     The man walked briskly up the fire escape to the top floor of the abandoned building. He had a schedule to keep. He slid through an open window into an empty room. He walked over to another window on the opposite wall and crouched down. He sat down a briefcase he was carrying and unlatched it. Inside sat a sniper rifle that was broken down into individual sections. He pulled each piece out carefully and clasped them together. He leaned the large rifle against the wall and pulled out his phone. He pulled up a page with all the information he needed about his mission. Her name was Hope Banks, a CIA agent. He studied her picture closely. He didn’t want to slip up. He set his phone down and pulled out a pair of binoculars. He peered out the window at the scenery. An empty bench sat serenely against the crisp river backdrop. That’s where she would be.

     At exactly two PM sharp, the woman appeared and sat down on the bench. The man gripped the sniper rifle with his gloved hands and propped his stubble-covered cheek against the stock. He shoved a magazine up into the rifle. He pulled the bolt back, and then pushed it forward, locking a round in the chamber. He looked down the scope and balanced himself. He gently moved the crosshairs over the woman’s head and held his breath.

     Meanwhile, Hope Banks sat on her bench with her legs crossed. She had just picked up a novel from the store, and was anxious to read it. She reached down into her bag, when something caught her eye. Something subtle, yet a familiar sight. She slowly moved back from the bag and sat straight up. She noticed a glint of light, the sun was reflecting off of something. She located the small flare of light and stared right at it. She knew she was in someone’s sights.

     The man’s eyes grew wide. She knew what was about to happen. Normally, when the target sees you, you run and the mission is considered as a failure. But all he had to do was pull the trigger…

     His finger hovered over the trigger and gently started pulling it back. Right before he reached the firing point, he stopped. He had done this many times before, what stopped him this time? She continued to stare at him and slowly mouthed, “Just do it…” The man pulled his finger away from the trigger. No, he couldn’t do it. He would not go down that road again… He pulled the gun in from the window and let it fall to the ground. The woman relaxed. She reached down and pulled the book out of her bag and started reading.

     The man sat against the wall in his sniping position. He felt a mixture of emotions he had never felt before. Guilt, remorse, anger. Amidst his negative feelings, he clung to a feeling that he had never felt before – hope. He packed the gun up and started making his way down to street level. He entered an alley and tossed the briefcase into a dumpster. He kept on walking through the alley. He stopped just short of the entrance. He looked out at the woman named Hope. She sat there peacefully reading despite everything that just happened. He didn’t realize how beautiful she was until then. He stood and watched for what seemed like hours. She eventually put her book away and started making her way towards the alley.

     He frantically found a shadowy corner and concealed himself. She entered the alley and started to make her way down. The man peaked around a corner and watched her. He slipped and accidently kicked a tin can. The woman stopped short halfway down the alley.

“You’re him, aren’t you?” the woman said.

The man stayed where he was silently.

“Come out. I know you’re there,” she said in a commanding tone.

The man crept out of his corner until he was in full view. She turned around and looked at him.

“Why didn’t you kill me? You had a perfect shot with a T-12 sniper rifle with a 20x scope. You couldn’t have missed,” she continued.

The man stared blankly at her.

“I know who you are. You’re Geoffrey Mattson, infamous bounty hunter and assassin. You always get your prey,” she spoke up again. “I’m going to ask you again, why didn’t you kill me?”

“You were different,” the man replied feebly.

     She was taken aback by this. A cold blooded assassin stood before her, trying to explain why he didn’t kill her. This man was heartless, but she could sense something inside of him that was trying to escape – hope. Hope for a better life.

“And why was I different?” she replied.

“My whole career I never thought about who I was killing. I simply viewed them as a paycheck, and nothing more.”

     Hope looked down at the ground thinking. She could analyze the most talented liar, and tell you if they were telling the truth or not, and this man in front of her, wasn’t lying.

“Can- can we start over?” the man’s pleading voice pulled her back to reality.

She looked up at him. Except this time, she didn’t see a killer, she saw a man who wanted to start over.

“Yes, I’d like that,” she replied.

“I’m Geoffrey. Most people call me Geoff,” he said in a stuttering voice.

“I’m Hope,” she said in calm voice.

“So you like to read?” he said, trying to retain what little composure he had left.

“Yes, I do. And you?”

“I do; when I have the time.”

     Hope pulled the book she was reading out of her bag and held it up, “The Great Gatsby, have you ever read it?”

“I have, actually. I really enjoyed it.”

She pushed the book back into her bag. A silence filled the next few moments.

“Wou- would you like to go and get a cup of coffee?” Geoff spoke up nervously.

Hope was again taken by surprise.

“Sure. That sounds nice,” she found herself saying.

     They escorted each-other out of the alley and spent the evening talking over a cup of coffee. Geoff’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at it. A text message read, “Is she dead?” He pressed the delete button and put the phone back in his pocket.

“What was that?” Hope said.

“Nothing. Where were we?” he replied with a smile. He knew that things would change. He could change, because of one thing - Hope.



The End

Baseball season and I wish it rained tacos

Well, it's getting around to that time of the year when baseball season moves in to replace basketball season. I personally love baseball season. It's one of my favorite summer things to do. I don't know if it's grilling out while the game's on TV, going to a game and smelling that sweet smell of peanut shells and sunflower seeds, or even if it's the mind numbing experience of sitting in the nosebleed seats. But yes, the entire baseball experience is amazing. You can't call yourself American until you've been to at least one baseball game.

Playing baseball was always fun. Whether that be in the back yard, or an actual game, you could always have an epic time. Even if you only had three people playing, you'd somehow make do with it. When playing a game of baseball with only three people, terms such as, "Ghost on this base!" would be uttered, and arguments over whether a pitch was a strike or a ball were to be had.
Oh yes, baseball is nice. You should eat a taco at a baseball game. This slowly transitions us into my next topic.


The other day I witnessed a popular youtube video by the name of Raining Tacos. It was a humorous video/song about a situation where tacos rain from the heavens. Most people would chuckle at this notion and simply move on with their lives. Well, I'm a thinker, so I naturally thought about what it would be like if it were to actually rain tacos. At first, one may think, "How awesome! Free food!" But after thinking about it for a few seconds, you can see how it has bad points as well.

Tacos are loose food, meaning that they aren't contained together, like a sandwich. For one to consume a taco, you must hold it upright so as to not dump the fillings out. If it were raining tacos, then wouldn't the fillings simply fly everywhere? It wouldn't be raining tacos, rather, it would be raining meat, cheese, lettuce, and shell. I suppose if you were to catch a taco before it hit the ground, then you could safely eat it. But to catch a falling taco, you would have to be a ninja of the secret ninja epic clan. Food for thought. *ba-dum-tsssss*  

Friday, March 28, 2014

Peanut Oil Powered, Mexican Viper Shooting Steampunk Shotgun

Well, in follow up to yesterday's post, I've decided to post a picture of a Peanut Oil Powered, Mexican Viper Shooting Steampunk Shotgun. I know it's not a comic, but I thought maybe some equally warped person would enjoy it. :P


Thursday, March 27, 2014

Hook, Line, and Sinker

     Someone should invent a steam-punk shotgun that's powered by peanut oil and shoots Mexican vipers. That sentence my friends, is what we writers call a hook. A hook is meant to grab the readers attention and lure them into the snare that is a piece of writing. It is the utter essence of good writing. The bread and butter of the author. We use it to make the writing interesting, and epic. The key to good writing is to have a good hook, and play on it from there.

Unfortunately, I will not be playing upon the hook of a steam-punk shotgun (hopefully). However cool, it doesn't quite work out as a topic.

The hardest part about writing these posts may not be that obvious to readers. The thing that's the hardest is coming up with a topic. Some people may write blog posts in advance, so that if they can't come with anything at the time of posting, they can just tap into their "reserves" of writing. I don't believe in this. I think that takes away from the authenticity of the blog. It takes away the fun. It's sorta like an exercise, writing a blog post as you post them. You're testing yourself by pushing your brain to come up with ideas. It can also lead to some very interesting topics.

Okay, so I may have just went a little off topic. But no need to fear, I shall fix the probl- hey? Is that catapult built out of clothespins and popsicle sticks on my desk? Crikey, it is. Yes sir-y, I have one of those on my desk. I built it out of a design in the book Mini Weapons of Mass Destruction. I know what you're thinking, "They actually have a book called that?" The answer is yes. Out of said book you can build an arsenal of weapons out of basic office supplies. Unfortunately, there are no steam-punk shotgun builds inside. You'll just have to be content with crossbows, blow-guns, catapults, and other pencil-powered weapons.
   
Well, it started out as just a random thought, but I just pondered on how awesome a steam-punk shotgun that shoots Mexican vipers would be. As your enemy charges you, you could simply fire a Mexican viper at them and walk away. Hmmmmmmm, you can probably expect a drawing of a steam-punk shotgun in the near future... Maybe I could add some cool details... *rambles on about steam-punk shotguns and how to draw one*
   
Anyway, back on topic we go (or try)! So yeah, if you can have a good hook at the beginning of a writing, you can almost for certain reel in a few readers. Don't believe me? Look at yourself now. You've read this entire post, all because the concept of a steam-punk shotgun that shoots Mexican vipers hooked you in.  

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Put the "fun" in fundraiser, and the most epic battle in the whole entire universe

     The other day I took part in helping at a fundraiser. Let's face it, fundraisers are not typically fun. At all. People who go to them are there because they feel obligated, and the people who are helping aren't very enthusiastic sometimes.
*Steps up onto soapbox* "Someone should really fix that and put the fun in fundraiser!"
Random person in the crowd: "Why don't you fix this problem RhinoA3096?"
Me: "What? How absurd! I'm a blogger! I'm only qualified to point out the problems of the world and do nothing to fix them!"
Random person in the crowd: "......."
But really, fundraisers should really become more fun. Maybe something like, "With every donation, you get a free cactus." Or maybe, "If you donate, we'll give you a free hour of ninja training!" Yeah, that would definitely put the fun in fundraising. For bake-sales, you could shoot cookies out of a disk launcher after people buy them. It would be like TRON but with deliciousness. You know you would go to a bake sale where you could do that....

Moving on.
The other day I was pondering what the most epic battle in the entire universe would be. When pondering this, you don't think of what would happen, but rather, you think about the different contenders. That's what makes the most epic battle in the entire universe epic anyways. Upon thirty seconds of pondering, below is a list of the contenders that would make the epic battle epic. They span all across time and space.

- Master Chief
- Darth Vader
- Mr. Wong (Only a handful of readers will understand this reference, but for those who aren't in that exclusive group, Mr. Wong is a ninja.)
- James Bond
- The Black Knight
- The Mario Bros.
- Bruce Lee
- Chell
- Indiana Jones
- Iron Man
- Captain America
- Gandalf
- The Flappy Bird

Just to name a few. Of course, looking at the list, most of the contenders would perish within minutes. But hey, if they only add five seconds of awesome, then it doesn't matter. Some of the listed people have distinct advantages, such as the Black Knight. He could suffer multiple injuries and still continue fighting. Or the Flappy bird who could fly around annoying everyone. It's too bad a battle of this magnitude will ever occur. But if it did, I would bet all my popcorn on Gandalf.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

"Spelunky" Review

     Today I'm doing something a little different. But that's okay, because this is my blog, and I can do what I want!
I will be reviewing an indie game that I recently found, called Spelunky. I found it to be a neat little game. Be warned, don't play it unless you're planning on spending hours on it! This game can be played for free here. It has gone through two phases: original, and HD remake. The free version is the original 8-bit game, and the HD remake has flashy graphics and can be purchased on Steam for $14.99. I will be reviewing the free original version. (Because everyone loves free stuff!)
The title screen of the original version.

     Enough of this preface junk! On with the review! But first, I will go into a long and boring explanation as to how I review games. Basically, I have multiple categories that I will grade with letter ratings (ie. A+, C- etc.). See? That wasn't so long and boring? For real now, on with the review!!!

Gameplay
   Spelunky has a very addictive approach to 2-D side-scrolling platformer games. It plays very similarly to a game about a certain mustached plumber. Now, it isn't just a knock-off Mario game, it has it's own elements of brilliance. This game is a randomly generated dungeon crawler game. You go level to level through caves and tunnels hunting for treasure, saving damsels in distress, and outsmarting traps. Every time you fail a level, you come back with new knowledge on how to outsmart a certain game mechanic. I would describe it as one of the most horribly amazing games ever. You can employ a variety of tactics to work your way around the caves, including bombs and ropes. The bombs (as you probably expected) blow things up. In this case, enemies, or walls into another passage. Ropes can be used to reach ledges and platforms that are otherwise unreachable. The game gives you a lot of slack in how you want to approach it. Do you want to go through the level snatching every piece of treasure in sight? Do you want to get through as quick as possible? Do you go through Chuck Norris style and blow everything up? It's up to you. The game also has many items you can purchase from shops. These items range from jet packs to shotguns. You have total freedom.
     With the good points, come the bad points. You will most likely find yourself becoming quickly frustrated at the frequent deaths. You'll be one step away from getting to the exit, only to be shot down by a dart trap you didn't see before. You'll look down a pit, thinking it's safe, only to be impaled by a row of deadly spikes. The main downside is how there is no save feature (at least I haven't found one). You'll get quite a ways into the game, only to face an untimely demise.
A prime example of the play style.
    
Overall, the gameplay utilizes many different strategies to make you want to come back for more! I give the gameplay an A-.

Story

    The game itself (at least the classic version) doesn't have much of a story. When you launch the game, a few lines of randomly generated back-story appear, such as, "I put the faded photo back in my pocket, as I drained the last of my canteen, and thought of her one last time." I have yet to beat the game, but so far that appears to be the only story. This is an issue that maybe has been resolved in the remake, but as for this, no such luck. I give the story a D-

Graphics

     This section has a bit of leeway. Keep in mind I'm reviewing the classic 8-bit version. This game was remade with new textures and HD graphics. For the sake of consistency, I'll be reviewing the free version.
You can probably tell from pictures and the fact that I've already told you, this is an 8-bit game. If you can stomach 8-bit games, then this is your cup of tea. If you wretch at the sight of them, you will most likely not enjoy the graphics. Despite the primitive visuals, Spelunky is a very impressive 8-bit game. It has very fluid movements and physics. You can easily tell what most objects are in the game. So you won't find yourself straining your eyes to see if you're about to step on a trap, or treasure. My only quarrel with the graphics is that the background seems to have some motion error at points. But this can be easily overlooked.
File:Spelunky 2008vs2012-comparision.jpg
Spelunky original, and HD remake graphics comparison. 
Overall, I give the Spelunky original graphics a B-

Music
     As you can imagine, with an 8-bit game comes 8-bit-esque music. The music mainly plays in the background, and can be easily overlooked by someone who isn't listening. Overall, I think the music is mediocre, but still fitting to the game. It has an air of mystery and discovery. The music picks up as the game becomes more tense. 
Overall, the music may leave a little bit to be desired, but I think it's pretty fitting for the game. I give the music a C+.

Controls
     Normally, I wouldn't include an entire section for controls of a game, but for this I had to. When you first start the game, you'll find the controls to be clunky and hard to remember. After playing a few times through, you'll gradually get the feel for them. I still accidentally crack my whip instead of jumping sometimes, and I've logged a few hours into the game. So newbies be warned, the controls have a steep learning curve. I give the controls a D.

Easter Eggs
      Just like controls, I wouldn't normally include a selection for Easter Eggs, but there are so many in this game, you can't just ignore them in a review! Throughout the levels you'll find a satirical idol that resembles the one in Raiders of the Lost Ark. At the beginning of a level, your character will mumble how he hates snakes. This game is chock full of em'. When you find a shop, the (old man) shop owner sits feebly in a corner watching as you look at his goods. If you try to steal from the shop, he'll spring at you and chase you with his shotgun! If you throw a bomb into the shop, he'll blow you away while exclaiming, "Terrorist!"
One of the many shops you may find throughout the game.
     Other Easter Eggs include the damsels in distress. Throughout the levels you may find a lady standing in a dangerous situation while yelling for help. You can either help her, (and in turn get a kiss at the end of the level gaining health) or you can simply use her as a human shield against the many different dangers of the caves. :P 
I give the Easter Eggs an A++. 

Overall
     I think that Spelunky is a treasure (pun intended) in 8-bit platforming that only comes around every so often. It will sink its teeth into you and will continue to do so until you finally conquer the game (which I have yet to do). What it lacks in story and graphics, it makes up for in its various references, Easter Eggs, and gameplay. You'll want to continue to delve deep into the Earth to experiment with new things, and try your hand at wielding a whip. Overall, I give Spelunky an A-. You should really check out the original if you haven't already. I hope this review was helpful, and leave a comment letting me know what you think!   
   

Friday, March 21, 2014

Mummy Probs

♫ It's Friday, Friday! Gonna post a comic on Friday! 
:P   I hope you enjoy it guys!


Thursday, March 20, 2014

"Why do we post things on the internet?" and "Internet reliability"



     This post will probably resemble a real blog post rather than my usual random conglomeration of stuff. But that doesn't mean it won't make you laugh.
     The other day I saw a video where a guy was talking about things we should ask ourselves before posting stuff online. At the end of the video, he says for the final question, "Why am I posting this?". Well this got me thinking, "Why do we actually post things on the internet?" Well, I calculated a few answers:
    1: We're trying to make ourselves look cool. Just think about it. 95% of the time, when we post something, we're trying to be like, "Hey world! Look at me! I just went out and ate dinner with my friends! Aren't I cool!?!?" Now, I am being a hypocrite here, I am guilty of things such as this. Moving on.
   2: People are just trying to seek praise or attention. This one is very similar to number 1, but still different. We've all the seen the picture online of a girl who posts a selfie then writes, "I'm soooooo ugly!!!!!" My reaction is, "If you think yourself to be so ugly, then why did you just post a picture of yourself? Do you want to spread your ugliness?!" In reality, this person is just seeking comments such as, "No! You're beautiful!" I call this situation,  "fishing for compliments". Below is a very accurate illustration I found online. 
Since I found that comic on the internet, this is a transition sentence that leads into my next topic, which is Internet reliability. In modern days such as this, we are graced with the ability to access the entirety of all knowledge ever gained by man, with the touch of a button. Do we use this knowledge to learn more about the world around us? Do we use it to better society as a whole? The answer to both those questions is, you guessed it, NO. Instead, we scroll through funny pictures and watch pointless 7-second videos. Just like in number one, I am guilty of this.
    The only time we humans use the internet as what it's meant for, is when we have the occasional research project. We spend the night before it's due cramming knowledge in and becoming professors in a single topic. That situation reminds me of that scene in avengers.
  By now you're probably thinking, "This person hasn't even talked about the reliability of the internet." I'm getting to that. But first, let's ponder on the science behind the multiple uses of silly putty. It can make a bouncy ball, it can fade newspaper, and it can get stuck in your hair. OK, pondering over.
    When we research for a research paper, we turn to the internet. We hope to find the information we're looking for, but instead we find fake resources and dead-ends. You turn to Wikipedia, hoping that it will have a scrap of information you can use, and you find, "Newton's 1st law of motion: elephants cry when the planets are aligned in perfect synchronization." We sit there with a blank face and think, "Sounds legit."
    You'd think that the internet would be one of the most reliable sources of information because it's so large and "regulated", but sadly, it isn't. There are people who live under the illusion that everything on the internet is true. When I say everything, I mean everything. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes.

"You can never be sure whether a quote or information is legit on the internet." - Abraham Lincoln, 1983

That is a perfect example of the spicy unreliable cesspool that is the internet. Well, I think I achieved my goal of writing a longer blog post. So yeah, there's not much else to say other than, "Live long and may the force be with you prosperously." - Martin Luther King Jr. - 1772   

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Short story

Hey all! I decided to post a short story for you guys. Enjoy it!


                                                 Stains


     Stains, they taint everything. You are probably most familiar with the stains that occur on clothing. Well, all the same, they taint everything. Every aspect of man’s existence can be tainted with stains. Sometimes people will have stains on their mind that make them not think clearly. Stains can give people a distorted view of reality…


     As I walked along the sidewalk next to the crowded downtown street, my sense of fear increased. I don’t know what it was, but it felt like I was being watched. I repeatedly scanned my surroundings only to see the expressionless faces of the surrounding pedestrians. I continued walking. I eventually came upon the entrance to an alley. It looked like a pitch-dark tunnel with a small dot of light at the end. For some unknown reason, the alley appeared strangely attractive to me. After serving in the military for five years, you develop a rather large sense of adventure. “I could use a short-cut,” I figured as I entered into the alley. I regretted my decision after I got about half-way through. In reality, the alley was much larger than it seemed. I continued walking for what seemed like forever. After my eyes adjusted, I examined my surroundings. The alley was full of refuse and litter. I noticed a shadow crouching behind a dumpster. Before I could react, the figure pounced on me and pulled a bag over my face! The last thing I remember was slowly falling to the ground.


     I awoke tied to a chair. The bag was quickly whipped off my face and I squinted from the lights in the room. I was in a large room, probably a warehouse. Before me stood a built, wiry man with his arms crossed in front of him. He had many scars across his face.

“It’s about time you woke up,” Said the man in a rough voice.

“Who are you? What do you want with me?!” I replied harshly.

“Now now now, don’t worry. All your questions will be answered,” He said in a calming tone. The man started pacing around me. I craned my neck to follow him.

“You are rather fortunate. You have been chosen,” He spoke up.

“Chosen for what?” I replied irritated.

“The hunt.”

“What hunt? You’d better tell me what’s going on right now!”

     The man charged towards the chair and leaned close to me. His words came out like ice. “You, Jake Greyson, have been given the honor of being chosen for the hunt.”

     He backed away and started slithering around me again. I had been captured, interrogated, and much worse throughout my service in the war, but this guy had an air of terror around him that put me on edge.

“The human race is due for further evolution. We are destined for so much more, physically, and mentally,” The man hissed. “Few people have realized this. I’m one of those people.”

     This guy was talking nonsense. I examined the room further for a possible escape, but he continued with his monologue.

“I find people who show potential in becoming superior, and then I test them. You, Jake Greyson, show potential.”

“And what kind of test is this?” I replied.

“The hunt is the test. I will release you into the “arena”, and then I shall test you to see if you truly show potential. Your extensive military background shows promise…”

“And what if I pass?”

He scoffed. “Well, no one has passed yet…” The man said. “If you fail, then I was wrong, you are not fit to be superior. Those who fail are terminated.”

     It finally hit me; this man was a lunatic who believed himself to be higher than everyone else. He hunted people for sport and backed it up with a hollow theory he convinced himself to believe. I could only think of the countless other people that had to go through this torment before “failing” the “test”.

“You’re insane…” I whispered harshly.

“Am I? Or am I the only one that see’s the human race how it should be?!” Those were the last words I heard before he pulled another bag over my face and knocked me out cold.

     When I awoke (again), I was crumpled on the floor in another room. A set of doors were wide open and the man stood in between them. I weakly got to my feet and tried to clear my head. “You have ten minutes before the hunt begins,” The man said as he pulled the two doors closed. I heard a lock click. The room was plunged into absolute darkness. Single light-bulbs flickered to life, lighting the room eerily. They were spread across the room leaving patches of darkness in between them. After I got to my senses I saw where I was. I was inside a huge warehouse building that was scattered with shelves full of random boxes. I started weighing my options in my head: fight, escape, or hide. I couldn’t fight, despite his going on about how he was superior, he was likely armed. Escape probably wasn’t going to work out. The building’s entrances were most likely locked and blocked off. That left hiding as my only option. He said that I only had ten minutes, and I had spent three pondering my options. I sprinted down one of the many aisles in the warehouse. I found a nice dark space in between some crates. I nestled myself in and waited. A gunshot rang through the entire warehouse. My first thought, “Crap, he’s got a gun.”

“Mr. Greyson, your test has officially begun!” I heard the man yell.

     I sat behind my crates in a cold sweat for what seemed like hours. I heard footsteps slowly approaching. I gasped and held my breath. The footsteps stopped. I slowly peeked around the corner of the boxes to see if he was there. Nothing. I turned back around only to come face to face with the man. “Mr. Greyson, I expected much more from you…” He said in a hypnotic tone. I yelled and swung my fist at him! He dodged it with ease and backed up. He grabbed me by the arm and swung me out of my hiding place. I flopped to the ground and started fake coughing, acting as if I was really wounded. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him approach me slowly. “Mr. Grey---“ He started, but I quickly lunged at his feet and toppled him to the ground! We struggled back and forth for the upper hand! The man was surprisingly strong for such a wiry build. He eventually squirmed out of the melee and climbed up a pile of boxes like a monkey. He pulled out a handgun and pointed it at me. I looked up at him with resignation. I could tell he was arguing with himself in his mind. He holstered the gun at his side and looked right at me. “Mr. Greyson, you have pleasantly surprised me. You’re different from other people. I’ve elected not to fail you just yet. I could use a challenge,” He said as he ran off deeper into the warehouse. My fear of this man diminished slightly. I knew now that he was no longer the dominant predator. My brain switched from defense to offense. There was still a chance of me getting out of this mess. I trotted down an aisle of shelves to start looking for a weapon. Finding a firearm was unrealistic, so I would have to make do with what was around me. I crouched down and looked under a shelf. I pulled out a two foot long steel pipe. Upon examining it, I found a small patch of dried blood on the end of the pipe. I looked around myself at the floor and noticed something I hadn’t seen before, red stains were everywhere. Blood stains, more specifically. My stomach turned at the sight. This man was a monster, and he had to be stopped. I moved a few boxes and lay down on a shelf. When the man came by, I would be able to ambush him.

     The lights in the warehouse flickered. I could hear shelves around me shaking. He was leaping aisle to aisle looking for me. I found a small screw and flicked it down on the ground in my vicinity. The whole warehouse grew silent as if it was holding its breath. A few moments later, the man leapt down from above and looked around slowly. He started stalking up and down the aisles getting ever closer to my location. I remained as still as a statue as he walked past my location. I rolled off my shelf and swung my pipe right at his head! He raised his hand with lighting speed and caught it! With his other hand he pulled out a huge knife and swung at me! I barely dodged the razor sharp blade! I wrenched the pipe from his grasp and sprung into a defensive stance. “

“Can’t you see it? We’re superior to others. I simply separate the wheat from the chaff. And you have certainly proven yourself to be among the wheat,” The man said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“You’re wrong. No one is superior to anyone. No matter how strong, or how smart, no matter what cause we fight for. We’re all sinners, we all have faults,” I replied trying to pacify him.

The man sighed. “It’s a shame. You were almost the first person to pass…” He pulled out his handgun and took aim.

    Right before he fired I lunged through an adjacent shelf avoiding the bullet! I started running for my life through the warehouse maze. I looked back and saw the man starting in pursuit! He fired a couple more rounds at my back, which missed by a great distance. I slowed down and cut a corner into a new row of shelving. The man dropped down from above right in front of me! I shoved his gun away from me as it fired again! We both wrestled for control of it! The muzzle wavered in between me and him repeatedly. A flash, a bang, another stain was added to the floor.



The End.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Pronunciation and short stories

There are so many annoying words that people pronounce weird. Below are just a few.

-Route
-Caramel
-Coupon
-Bag
-Data
-Envelope

Almost all these can be pronounced in two ways. When you point out the strange pronunciation to the person who said it, they'll reply with, "Tomato, Toe-motto." But honestly, who pronounces tomato toe-motto? Just another fluke in the English language I suppose. Talking about the English language makes me think of different accents. It would be so cool to talk in a different accent. Then again, most people would like to talk in the accent that doesn't belong to their country. Most Americans wish they could talk in a British accent, and British people probably wish they could talk in an American accent...maybe. But yeah, accents are cool, especially accents that we don't speak in of course.

Concerning short stories, I'm planning on actually posting a short story eventually. And the serangiffus i'm writing, I may post in parts. Which is kinda mean because it would keep you hanging. But, it's a bit heavy in text so posting it all at once would be rather difficult. So on an unrelated note, I realized this is yet another short post. So in the future, prepare for me to rant a bit more. Until then, I  *in Russian accent* will see you later.      

Friday, March 14, 2014

Baseball Probs

Well, it's Friday, so that means it's time for another doodle/comic! I hope you enjoy it!


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Story writing and spell-check

      So as of late I've been writing a story. And most stories written by me involve manly elements such as action and epicness. Like most amateur writers, I want to add a little depth to the characters. I can't just have a bunch of macho guys walking around that are unfeeling and have nothing driving them! So, to solve such an issue, you have to add in a touching moment or two. Well, if you know me personally, then you can probably assume that touching moments are not my cup of tea. And if you don't know me well, then...touching moments aren't my cup of tea.
     So for me, it's difficult to come up with a heart touching moment that makes you think, "Wow, now I get what drives this guy."
     And as for the story I'm writing, I meant for it to be a short story, but I got a little carried away. Right now it sits at a sound 15,663 word count. It's too long to be a short story, and too short to be a novel. So I've just invented a new word to describe such a story. A serangiffus. Sarengiffus: Ser-in-gif-us: A story that is too long to be a "short" story, and too short to be a novel. Just you watch, that will be in the dictionary some day.

     Boy, spell-check does not like the word serangiffus. Spell check is so amazingly annoying. You have those moments where you're on a roll of typing, then you misspell something. Then you have to take your hands off the keyboard, move the mouse with precision to the exact word that was misspelled, and right click it, then hit the right word. Then you have to get back into the groove of typing again.
     What's even worse is when you consciously don't know how to spell a word, then you type (how you think it's spelled) into the program, hoping that it will fix it for you. You right click your butchered word to find that spell-check is like, "Sorry dude, I got nothing." You then rage, minimize the program, check Facebook, then bring the program back up and start the cycle over. It's a beautiful thing.
     And then, you have the two opposing factions of the internet. There are the Mis-Spellers, and the Grammar Nazis. These two factions have been fighting on youtube comments sections, and Facebook ever since the birth of these. There are some people on the internet that must think the red and green lines under their sentences mean, "Good Job! Keep it up! You're doing great!" There's a bit of irony in this post, however. There's bound to be multiple grammar mistakes within. But don't worry, the Grammar Nazis will tell me. ;)    

Monday, March 10, 2014

Weiny Race

What?! Two posts in one day? Yes. I told you I may post another doodle/comic today, and here it is!


Board Games and Bacon

So, last night, I had the opportunity to play perhaps one my *now* favorite board games. It was called "Forbidden Desert". It was unlike any board game I have ever played. Rather than being cutthroat and ruthless like in some games *cough* Settlers of Catan *cough*, all the players have to work together against the game. What a concept! I found myself planning strategic moves and actions with my fellow players. The antagonist of the game is the game itself, which I thought was really interesting. Unfortunately, my fellow explorers and I lost. Which was sad. But I got over it.
But it was nice for a change to play a game where you work together rather than ruining your relationships with people.

Also, last weekend I ate a bacon cheeseburger. That, in itself, is proof that God loves us. He put bacon on this planet. Bacon is glorious. I hate how there's this stuff that's trying to be bacon, it's called turkey bacon. It's more like a "meat" flavored fruit roll up. Definition of bacon: A crinkly crispy piece of heaven. Well turkey bacon certainly doesn't live up to that definition. So I think that turkey should just stick to Thanksgiving dinner, and let bacon be handled by the professionals.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Daylight Savings and Star Wars VII

So, it's come to that time of the year where we move the clocks ahead and lose an entire hour of sleep. Why is daylight savings always set to start in the middle of the night? Wouldn't it make much more sense to put it on a Monday afternoon? Or even better, a Friday afternoon so as to get to the weekend quicker.
But alas, no. We must go through of a week of trying to get our bodies adjusted to the grueling task of Daylight Savings. We should really just call it "Fun Size Jetlag".

Although it's kinda old news, you've probably heard about how Disney bought Star Wars and is planning on making VII, VIII, IX (For all ya'll who can't read them there Roman numerals, that's 7, 8, and 9).
I can see it now, Tinkerbell and Luke Skywalker go on a fantastic journey to reclaim the stolen gold Mickey ears. I'm just joking around, I'm sure they'll make them *hopefully* good.
But I also heard that they're getting all the old original actors back... Just let that sink in... I'm not sure Harrison Ford can do another action movie. But I may be wrong, he was in Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. And we all loved that, didn't we? Right? ... ;)
I'm just pokin' fun at it. In reality, I'm looking forward to the new Star Wars just as much as the next Star Wars enthusiast.

Oh and by the way, I may actually post a doodle/comic tomorrow as well. And in the future, I'm going to try to make posts a tad bit longer. They've been short as of late (good writing material is hard to come by).  

Friday, March 7, 2014

From the notebook of RhinoA3096

When you open a notebook, you will no-doubt find a doodle or two. Well, my notebooks are no exception. Within my *many* notebooks, you can find a plethora of comics and doodles. So I took it upon myself to scan one of them in and digitally re-master it in Gimp. I may start somewhat of a series. Maybe every Friday I'll share with you guys a comic or doodle "from the notebook of RhinoA3096". I'll see. But for now, enjoy this satirical doodle of a popular app game.
















Once I've posted a few more, I'll probably add another page dedicated to doodles and comics.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

American Idol and more randomness

Hey guys! Well here it is, another post! *cheers*
So lately, I've been watching American Idol. This year (as far as i know it's this year, I didn't watch last year), around the perimeter of the stage and seating area, are giant lit up pictures of all the contestants. Well, when a contestant gets voted off, they turn off their picture/light thing right then and there. They might as well sound a cannon and flash their name in the sky!
On that note, Hunger Games elements in American idol would prove for very captivating shows. Imagine when after a contestant sings, Ryan Seacrest comes out and says, "Now it's time for your sword duel! Good luck!"   ...  I would watch that...  Oooooh, and the judges could be like the game-makers! That would be cool. A giant fireball gets hurled from the audience, and Keith Urban would be like, "My bad."
So yeah.

If you've gotten to this point in the post, that means you haven't groaned and x-ed out the page. Thanks for that. Now that I've talked about American Idol, it's time to get on to the random stuff. Hmmmmm, what's on my desk? Aha, a mini Rubik's cube. Have you ever tried to solve one of those things? It's impossible, don't try it. Once I saw a youtube video that was titled "How to solve a Rubik's cube in 3 moves". The purpose of the video was to show that you can solve any Rubik's cube in three repeated moves...over....and over...and over.
I'm pretty sure that guys Rubik's cube was in fact, rigged. I tried his theory. I repeated the three simple moves...over...and over...and over again. It didn't work (surprised?).

So the moral of the story, American Idol could be so much cooler, and Rubik's cubes are impossible.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Knights, dice, and randomness.

Congratulations, if you're reading this, then you're probably one of the first people to visit this blog! That's a huge achievement, no really, it is.
This post is more of a "welcome to my blog" sorta post. Posts in the future will be primarily humorous and random.
You probably read the title of this post and thought, "Oooh! This is going to be interesting!" No such luck. The title literally comes from the contents of my desk. But don't worry, there's an upside to this. Knights, dice and randomness would be really cool aspects of a board game. Maybe I'll invent such a game.

So the moral of the story is, welcome to my blog.  

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