Monday, November 10, 2014

The Hobbies of old

     Hi person. How are you today? I'm doing OK. I've had a very eventful time lately. I shall tell you about it in one large run on sentence that just keeps going and going. So as you know I have lots of hobbies that range to reading to cinematography and you see lately I've decided to do some cool stuff I'm going to make a live action movie and write a book I also got my wisdom teeth pulled this weekend and that wasn't fun.
Whew. I hope you enjoyed that.

You probably noticed how I stated I shall be taking on the endeavor of making a movie. I've always loved the film industry, and this is my first time breaking into it. Lots of stuffs hasd to be donezoed. It's quite the undertaking because it's not just me making it. I have a total of about six people helping me. That's alot when it comes to no budget stuff.

Alas, you may have also noticed that I want to write a book. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Everybody wants to write a book. I want to write one, but finding the time to do it is the issue. I have school, a job, a movie to make, a blog to write, a social life to live, and an underground soda company to run. Wait what? Soda company. Fah. Like that's legit! Anyway, life is busy and writing a book doesn't fit in. I wish I could this month seeing it's national novel writing month. Sigh. I even have an idea and everything. Relaying the idea here would be a bit time consuming, so I'm not going to. Sorry to disappoint. However, if you are writing a book this month, I wish to thee the best of luck. Don't give up! Drink some juice! Run a mile! Do what it takes to stay motivated!

Yeah. I got my wisdom teeth pulled this weekend. It sucked. It still does suck because I'm sore. I can deal with the pain, I can deal with the swelling, but I can't deal with the not-being-able-to-eat-awesome-food thing. Yeah, watching someone eat an Oreo right in front of you is kinda hard to do when you can't partake. Yeah life.
Hope you enjoyed the post. Live long and prosper.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Hard to Miss

     It's very hard to miss the face-lift that my blog has undergone. If you don't notice any difference you may be suffering from one or more of these slight head traumas: amnesia, color blindness, restless leg syndrome, or new readeritis. The last one is probably the most probable. But yes, I totally overhauled the blog. I shall explain.

First off, I like how it feels. It seems for cozy, and reader friendly. It's the kind of setting that makes you want to curl up with a cup o' joe and continue to scroll down. Get what I mean? Yeah, it's okay if you don't.

My next reason is because it's more reader friendly. There are less distractions than before, and the text area is bigger, making it more readable.

My last reason is because of my life. That's confusing, but allow me to explain myself. I haven't had much time lately to write posts, but I have had time, however, to write my stories. Sorry blog, stories trump you. As you know, I like to post my stories here. To do that, I need to write them. This doesn't mean I won't post things like this where I go off on a humorous rant, it just means I'll have less of them.

Anywhos, that's the gist of it. I have a pretty good story in the works right now, and I hope to post it soon. So I'll be seeing you my friends! Keep your head up and learn to talk the walk!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Short Stories and Diversity

     Hello all. Yes. I'm here. You probably thought I'd gone missing or something horrible like that. I assure, I am not missing. Atleast, I think I'm not. Is anyone missing me? Oh well. Alas, I have returned to the world of binary, spam, cat videos, and stalkers. AKA: The Internet. Of course, I just described it in the most negative way possible. Sorry cat people. The positive way to describe it would be: The Albino Rhino. *badummm tssssss* That was a joke... Oh? You thought I was serious? Well I was.

     I've been inactive for a while for a number of reasons. I was taking a vacation for while. My last post was actually written whilst on vacation. And back-to-school started. Combined with other things, life's been a tornado of sorts. Finding time to post on a blog is rather incomprehensible. But because I like (not love, that would be weird) all you readers out there. I'm writing this right now, for you, and myself. I do enjoy writing. Very much so. Speaking of which, this is a segway!

     Yeah, so I always have ideas for stories goin' around in my head. My big issue is that I sit down and write for like three weeks, then I stop. The half-written story sits in a document, gathering dust. Or whatever a computer's equivalent to dust is. In lieu of this, I'm going to take a new approach. Of course, I'll still write my huge stories, but in addition, I'm going to write many short stories.

    You know, the kinds of stories that you write for a few days, and they're actually pretty good. What makes them good is that when you're writing a short story, you can leave many questions unanswered. Much like in my other stories posted here on this blog. Confusion and head-scrathin' make a recipe for success in short stories. Because of this, many short stories are diverse in nature. Speaking of which, this is another SEGWAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

    You're most likely confused as to the second half of the title of this post. I understand that. "Diversity" could be mean a variety of things. I shall explain. Perhaps the most diverse thing on the planet earth, even more so than people, are keychains. Haven't you ever thought of that? Have you ever seen two identical keychains? There are so many factors that make each diverse. Key size/type, accessories, lanyards/rings etc. The list goes on.

     I can say *almost* totally confidently, you will never find two keychains that are alike. Or in math terms, two keychains that are congruent.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Game Philosophy

     The game of life. We've all played. And if you have, then you'll agree with me on something. It is not an accurate representation. Now, it doesn't take that much life experience to get this. Even a twelve-year-old child could tell you that. Real life isn't a board with individual spaces that represent our different positions in life. If you tried to make a board game that was realistic to real life, the board would look more like a picasso painting. You start wherever, and you end whenever.

     In lieu of this, I've devised a not so difficult philosophy about life in general. You can view this in two ways, as a video game or as a regular ol' game. I will go through both. Life's a big game: a video game, let's start with that. In a video game you spawn, in life's case, you're born into the world. Video games all have training sessions and tutorials that guide you through your first steps. In real life this would be known as your childhood. Mistakes you make in your tutorial sessions don't have that many real consequences, you simply get back up and try again. As you grow older you are given more slack until you have no tether. You can do whatever, within reason that is. Life ends when your game is over, or when you make a stupid decision. So you see, life's complicated, but not really. Everything we do is simply leading to where we're all going. It depends on your beliefs where you think you're going, but I sure know where I want to go...

     Anyway, at this point I would explain the board-game portion of life, but the video-game sections seems to have wrapped it up pretty well. So I won't. Since this has shaped up to be a pretty short post, I want to do something that I've been meaning to do for a while now. Below are various links leading to other blogs that I follow. I know the administrators of each one personally, so you may not find them as entertaining as I do, but none-the-less. I've been meaning to do it for a while, so here it is.

Purple Effervescence
http://purpleeffervescence.blogspot.com/
As stated, I know this young woman personally, and I recommend reading it.

Concepts and Pistachios
http://conceptsandpistachios.wordpress.com/
This was the blog that inspired this one. I highly recommend reading it as well. The administrator of this blog is one of the few people I know that can challenge me in the art of raw random.

Anything Goes
http://therobertrichter.blogspot.com/
I also know the guy that runs this blog. Sensing a trend? Check it out!  

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Da stresses be much

     Sup ya'll? Been a while since I've posted. As you can guess, things have been slightly stressful for me lately. Actually, this summer has been the busiest one yet. It's been riddled with various different activities and such that have made it seem like it's simply blown right by. Yeah girl, this summer has seemed to just float on by.

     Things just recently, however, have been pretty stressful. If you've read this blog for any length of time you know I'm a self proclaimed: beat-boxer, writer, filmmaker, and ninja. These different passions have overlapped alot recently. One of them is not true, you have the responsibility of picking said false claim...

    Anyway, yes. These different hobbies have come together and intersected at this moment in time. In the middle of beat-box riffs, whilst a film is being animated, while a story is in the works of being written. As much as I'd love to shoot a movie, write, and beat-box at the same time, that just can't happen. I've also had many various real-life important things going on to be the icing on the cake.

...We interrupt this boring melancholy vent fest for something not boring...

Ok, so I just realized that this entire post up to this point has been nothing but a boring rant. Emphasis on boring... You most likely have decided to read this blog because you think some things I post are semi-entertaining. On with the entertaining! Wikipedia. Wikipedia is funny.

    We've all had a teacher tell us not to use the famed website for research. Why not? OK, teachers, I totally understand how wikipedia is unreliable and sometimes false. But shouldn't that be up to the student if they want to risk their grade? I think that should be part of the grading of the project. Credibility judging: A+ or F-.

    Unfortunately, wikipedia is somewhat a "luck of the draw". Sometimes you find some interesting facts and resources, other times you learn that pumpkins are purple and smell like strawberries.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Realization...

   Sup dogs? Don't answer that. That would be weird. I just realized something. I have never told you guys about me. You know that I go RhinoA3096, and you know I'm a guy. That's about it. So I'm going to *vaguely* tell you about me. Let's put this into a Q/A format, because those are always cool.

Q: Basic stuff?
A: I'm a guy. Since I'm a guy, bacon, duct-tape, explosions, video-games, and epic stuff in general are staples in my life. You want to engineer a radio-controlled toaster that launches fire minions of the pencil army? I gotcha' bro. Want to make a catapult out of Popsicle sticks and other misc. office supplies? Yep. So that kinda stuff entertains me.

Q: What is your favorite flavor of flower?
A: Sunglasses. Next question?

Q: Where abouts do you live?
A: That's top-secret classified information. I live in the northern hemisphere in the east part of the US. Does that clear the air enough for you?

Q: Other interesting stuff about you?
A: I'm a self proclaimed: gentleman, filmmaker, photographer, beat-boxer, and author. Pretty much any geeky weird stuff you can think of.

Q: How old are you?
A: Well, I don't prefer to disclose that, I will give you a general time slot. I am within the age range: 12-97. Have fun with that.

Q: Can you again tell us what kind of stuff you post on this blog?
A: Random funny crap. If I want to vent about something that happened in my *humorous* life, I'll vent it. If I want to post one of my short stories, I'll post it. If I want to geek-out about Star Wars, I'll geek it. ANYTHING that's random in the slightest I will post! So if you're reading this blog for a specific topic, chances are that topic will only be written about every once in a while. But if you like my short stories, then feel free to subscribe to my blog for that reason. Speaking of which, I'm about to continue writing my current story.

Moving on with more important things that are present on the inter-web. I just had another realization. Technology has given random people like me, the ability to house and support a free-standing website blog that is just one corner of the internet world. Just think, if you subscribe, then your email will send you a message whenever I post! It's like a metaphorical tree with many branches! Awesome sauce! Right? Yeah. Nevermind.

Well, this concludes this post. There are many things I do wish I could talk to you about, but I don't want to. So....... yeah. That concludes this public service announcement. BTW, I'm too lazy to proof-read this post for grammar errors so have fun with that.  

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Story writing and relaxing brain

    Hi there. So I finally started writing that really long steampunk story I've been talking about. I'd say it's going pretty well. Can't complain I suppose. It's pretty difficult to actually write the thing. I have to describe the events as if I have no idea what they are. In my head I've totally imagined what everything looks like, so in theory I would be able to describe characters and places as I envision them, with little thought. But unfortunately, readers don't have that ability. Most readers need that thick, syrupy description of a person or place. And that's what's taxing my brain about writing this.

     My past works have been (pardon my confident tone) decent, but I feel that they've been lacking a little something. They just don't sound like a professional story from a pro writer. That's what I've really been working on in this new story. I honestly think the hardest part about the story is the introductory portion. It's perhaps the most crucial element of the story, and serves as the backbone.

     Anyway, yeah, writing this story is hard because, well... you know. I just told you. The main purpose of me writing this post is to just be able to write without having to over analyze each sentence and make sure it sounds eloquent and smooth. It's my blog, I can write whatever the heck I want to write about.

     This post is boring. It's okay, I've come to terms with it. Some of my posts are simply boring works of me rambling on about my mediocre life. Give me some slack, it's 12:45 AM right now. So to remedy this problem (for this post at least), I will talk about something random. Like levers.

     Have you ever noticed in movies and TV shows, when a character is pulling a lever into the high position, they break it? The device then enters into a frenzy of extreme power. Tell me, does this make any sense?

     If that logic existed in our world, we would be much better off. Imagine if a power plant doesn't like their power output, "Hey Tim, break that lever will ya'? Yeah, we need to kick it into overdrive." Or even in a car (specifically a stick shift), "Gear 1, Gear 2,  Gear 3, oh look, Gear 27! *snap*" Yep, I guess that's the way the cookie crumbles. Have an epic life.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

'Murica and opinions

     Hello there. Today is July 5th. That's one day past July 4th by my reckoning. That means yesterday was the USA's birthday. You know what we do to celebrate America's birthday? We launch off Chinese inventions... Let that sink in for a moment...

Now that you're done thinking about that, let's talk about it.

'Murica is a grand nation full of freedom and guns. Both of those are very good things. Just think where we'd be without those two things! You can't have one without the other! No freedom equals no guns. No guns equals no freedom. Think, how did we win freedom in both World Wars? Guns. How does the common citizen have the right to own a firearm? Freedom. Boom. I've just described to you a symbiotic-harmonic relationship.

I hope (if you're American) that you had an absolutely amazing holiday yesterday. I hope you ate hamburgers, and watched things explode. I know I did! Yep. Explosions are cool.

Moving on.

I want to know your opinion on something. Yes you. The person blankly staring at the screen slowly processing what I have typed for your brain to inhale. I was looking at my blog itself recently, and can't decide if I like the color scheme of it or not. So what I'm going to do is make a poll on the side of the page. You can vote on whether you like the color scheme I have, or if you'd like me to change it. Voting opens...now!!!

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Tiny Nations and New Countries

 I learned something very different yesterday. Apparently, there's a small little nation off the coast of the United Kingdom called, The Principality of Sealand. This is a sovereign country that is literally the size of a football field. It's built on two large concrete girders that tower out of the ocean.

A brief history of this country. During WWII, the British government built multiple sea bases in international waters for defense against Germany. After WWII was all said and done, the government should have torn these defense structures down.


Wellllllll, they didn't. In 1966, a man by the name of Roy Bates took over one of these and claimed it as his own. Thus was born a new nation. This new country is now recognized as a sovereign nation. Of course, a few guys with assault rifles could easily take over such a small nation... 

I discovered this tiny nation while I was watching a video telling how anyone can create their own country. The main rule of making your own country is by having land to declare it on. Unfortunately, all known land in the world is under control by one or more nations. The only exception is Antarctica, which is technically controlled by many nations. You have two options to claim land for a country, other than the Antarctica option. 

Your first option is to obtain through conquest! This option is very unrealistic... Especially if you're the only one settling your new nation. Imagine that... You row up to the coast of a country in a little dinghy announcing, "I march onto your great land to destroy and conquer! Feel the wrath of my pocket knife!" 

The second more realistic way to settle a new nation is by making one. If you take a few dump-trucks of dirt into the middle of the ocean and plop em' down, congratulations, you have a country! Land is only one of the many requirements it takes to make a country, but it's the only one I'll talk about today. 

If I had my own country, it would be a small tropical island by the name Epicville. It would be a democratic organization where everyone is given a free banana. Yeah, that just happened.  


Sunday, June 29, 2014

Hello There

     I had a very interesting week. Unfortunately, I can't tell you about it because I would prefer to remain anonymous on the internet. But I will tell you this, I went on a trip. This trip was taken at a significant place. It was full of significant things and people. I took many significant pictures, and I was significantly impressed. You could view this trip as somewhat of a vacation. It was nice.

I bought something that was very neat. It was a bullet keychain. Not just the bullet, but the entire round. Powder drained of course. It cost me a pretty penny too. Upon buying it, a manly thought came about in my head: In a combat situation, if my gun was out of ammo, could I use that round in the gun? Of course, I know the answer to this. Which is in fact, no.

But my common sense didn't douse the flame of manly thoughtetude that had entered my head. Just imagine, you're in the middle of a warzone, and you run out of ammo. Your enemy looms over you. You can practically feel his breath on your face. You pull out your bullet keychain that your great-grand-pappy gave you when you turned twelve. You load the round and a burst of thunder utters forth. The enemy falls like a mighty oak. You stand, victorious.

Yeah, that's the kind of situation that enters a guy's head after buying a simple keychain.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Summer Posting

     I realized that I have not yet explained to you guys (my loyal fans), what my plan for summer posting is. When I started this blog, it was a break of sorts from the pressures of my life. This would primarily include school. Now that summer has started, that takes care of this problem, so you would assume that I would stop posting altogether during the summer. This isn't the case.

If you've followed this blog at all, then you know I'm a writer of sorts. I write anything: essays, short stories, and of course, blog posts. As a writer, there's no secret writing technique that will make your stuff better. Well actually, there is. It's called practice. And this blog gives me practice writing. I'm not the most eloquent writer, so I need all the help I can get.

So, to cut to the chase, I will not stop posting during the summer, but you will see a significant drop in the number of posts. Perhaps maybe one or two posts per week. It may come as a shock to you, but yes, I do have a social life. I'm not a nerd who lives on the computer... I prefer the term geek. ;)

I've already filled your brains with that load of boring stuff about schedules and posts, now it's time to get on with some random funny junk. Can you imagine how terrible it would be to be a T-Rex in modern society? Think of all the things you can't do. You can't type, reach the toilet paper, do push-ups, or give someone a high five. It would just be awful. Maybe we should engineer a drinking fountain for T-Rex's. We've all seen the "short person" drinking fountains that are only a few inches shorter than the "tall person" ones, so why can't we make one for T-Rex's? I'm sure they'd appreciate it very much.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Redneck Paintball Gun

     A week or so ago I was holding a ketchup packet. I squished the container in between my fingers feeling the liquid/solid course through the weak plastic. That's when it hit me. If you were to squeeze a ketchup packet hard enough, it would burst, splattering its contents everywhere. What if you could direct this squirting power onto a would-be attacker?

Thus, the idea for the Redneck Paintball Gun came to be. I was surprised that such a contraption has not yet been made (according to google that is). The other day I was drafting designs for said device, thinking of ways to convert energy into the squishibility of the ketchup packet.

Basically, you have to put a slit in the front of the packet, then hold it in place on the device. Then, a rubber-band/ spring powered wedge would slam down on the rear of the packet, causing an "explosion". The tricky part is directing the projectile liquid.

Paintball guns compact the paint into a ball, so worrying about it spraying everywhere upon launching is not an issue. However, when you go redneck style, you have to worry about that. Making a barrel is unrealistic because the ketchup would stick to the sides. My brain hurts now. Uhhhhhhhg.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Hawaii

I was thinking the other day, "Why is Hawaii so far away from the mainland?" It's a state isn't it? Doesn't that also give it the right to be part of mainland America. Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a multi-step process that can assure Hawaii being part of the the mainland. Below is a list I compiled of the tools and resources that are needed.

-A giant laser
-Twelve 17-ton rocket engines
-A pizza
-A bunch of giant rocks

The first thing we have to do is take the laser, and slice all the islands free from their geographical bonds underground. This will allow them to be moved freely. Next, we strap the rocket engines on the islands, and point them towards the US. We continue to fire up the engines, and then gradually push Hawaii to its true place in America.

Mid-way through the trip, we stop and eat a pizza. The big boulders are to block up all the active volcanoes. We wouldn't want those exploding on us as we attempt to move an island/s.

I sincerely hope you didn't think I was being serious for this whole post. This is just one of the many random thoughts that dances around in my melon. Now, we just need to figure out what to do with Alaska.... ;)

Friday, May 16, 2014

Late Posting and Mentos

It's very late right now. But I figured I'd write a blog post anyway. Perhaps the best time to write a blog post is late at night because your mind is captive to the terrors of little sleep. In all honesty, I'm a night-owl. I can stay up late and not have the lack of sleep gnaw at me. It's a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I can function regularly at late hours, curse because I require more sleep in the mornings...

Among the various youtube videos I watched tonight, one of them was a coke and mentos experiment. First, the guy did the simple trick: mentos + coke = boom. Yes, it worked. He then put many mentos into his mouth, then continued to pour the diet coke in: mentos in mouth + coke = slightly gross boom. The final experiment was slightly more offsetting. He decided it would be smart to drink half a two-liter of diet coke, then chase it with *many* mentos. It was gross.

If you've followed this blog even for a short time, you know it can be pretty random. So without further a due, here's a very random paragraph I've whipped up.

Jake Scissor-dude clutched his power penny until his knuckles turned white. He peered menacingly at the many battery ninjas that stood around him. He breathed in the ashy air and crouched into a defensive stance. The first ninja lunged at him. He lithely dodged the battery and pulled out his penny. He sliced a few more and tossed the dead carcasses into the air. His trusty steed, Benjamin the unicorn, continued to sweep him off his feet and glide off into the sunset. "Jake, you want to go get some pickles?" Benjamin inquired. "Anytime is a good time for pickle consumption!" Replied Jake cheerily. The horse hybrid stopped at the nearest ghetto to find a black-market pickle stand. They consumed their pickles with relish *badummm tssss*. All was good in the kingdom of milk duds. The End.  

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Test Post

This is a test post to see what a bigger font looks like on the blog. Move along, move along. Nothing to see here. 

Oh? So you're still reading? You didn't move along like I told you to? Well stop reading right...now.

I like you, you little rebel. You're still reading despite my many attempts to make you not do so. You're the reason why the government is in shambles! We get troublemakers like you trying to beat the system and continue reading!!! 

But for real now, this is just a test post. Nothing interesting here.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Bee Hunting

As of late, I've taken up a rather strange hobby. Bee hunting. More specifically, carpenter bee hunting. Using an arsenal of weaponry, consisting of air-soft guns and plastic baseball bats (no really, those are the only weapons in said arsenal), I plink them out of the sky. It's quite enjoyable, no really, it is.

Now, I know what you're thinking right now, "Oh my gosh! This guy is sick and twisted! Only a monster would slaughter innocent insects!" Of course, you wouldn't think this if you fully grasped what a carpenter bee is. They're those big fat bees that annoy the snot out of you. They're those bees that burrow holes in various wooden structure, ranging from tree houses to swing sets. My killing of these vile creatures is perfectly justifiable.

For years I was deathly afraid of these bees. They're huge and intimidating. Even from many feet away you can hear the tell-tale humming. In my back-yard I have a standalone tree house referred to as "The Cabin". The carpenter bees have made this structure their home for many, many years now. Simply taking out the trash, or mowing the grass became a hostile mission.

That's when I went to a friends house, and he introduced me to the practical sport of hunting them. Just recently this year I took it upon myself to try it out. It proved to be very satisfying. On a cork-board I have a piece of paper with dates and tally marks telling how many "kills" we've gotten.

I say "we" because it's not a one man job. My brother is my trusty sidekick, we take turns firing upon the monsters and swinging at them with the bats. We've even adopted the name (wait for it...) the B-team *badumm tsss*.

About a week ago we had our initial hunting and killed about 9 of the insects, and throughout the week we've zinged a few here and there. But nothing compares to how many we killed last Sunday. A grand total of 12. Of course, we had an extra hunter. My brother-in-law was in town and helped with our offensive maneuver. I'm convinced we've broken the bee's morale, I haven't seen many since Sunday....

Anywho, I hope you enjoyed this rant. Stay tuned and expect more bee updates throughout the summer.  

Friday, May 9, 2014

Steampunk City

     I know it's Friday, and Friday is supposed to be comic day. I didn't have time to draw up a comic, instead I was working on this. I hope you like it. It's inspired by an idea for a story that's been runnin' around in my noggin.


Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Busy, busy, busy

    I (again) apologize that I haven't posted in a while. My life lately has been a torrent of mental and physical exhaustion. To quote perhaps one of the most important people in history:
"You know what you gotta do when life has got you down? Just keep swimming!" -Dory
On that note, I heard a while back that a new "Finding Nemo" will be created. I also heard that it's going to be about Dory. I don't know about you ladies and gentlemen, but I would pay large sums of money to go see that movie. If you know me in real life, then you know that I'm a huge movie buff. If you don't know me, now you know I'm a movie buff.

Perhaps one of my favorite movies is either Captain America 2, or Inception. Both are very good movies, and I highly suggest watching them. Inception proved to be a very thought provoking film that makes you think about it over and over again. Of course it has its quirks, but every movie does.

If you pay even remote attention to this blog, then you also know that I like to write stories. I think of something I would like to read, and if it isn't already in existence, I make it so. If you've read some of the short stories I've posted on here, then it's pretty apparent that I'm no master author.

I aspire to have the same writing style as Tolkien in The Hobbit. He seems to have a very casual tone, despite the growing sense of danger. He even seems like he's simply having a conversation with the reader. That is how I want to write.  

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Cool Games and Stuff

    We've all seen super action movies where cars explode, fighting sequences ensue, and bullets fly. As typical human beings, despite the sheer anarchy of it, we desire to be in a similar situation (minus the being hurt part of course). We desire to be in a car chase. We desire to be in a gunfight. We desire to have a kung-fu "wapow" fight. Look around, people who have these desires made sports to substitute for them. Examples: Go-carting/Nascar, Paintball, and Karate. Most of those sports require a bit of investment to get into. Most people just settle for the next best thing, a video game.

     (Warning: Nerd Alert.) When we play a video game, we get the opportunity to actually do all the intense action things listed above. Now that's all fun and stuff, don't get me wrong, (Super Geek Alert) but it's all on a screen. That my friends, is why we Nerds/Geeks of the universe have been given board games, and table-top games. We've all seen table-top games. The ones where guys carefully paint and craft unique figurines that engage in a battle of statistics and numbers. It's like reading a book with no words. You can envision the battle in between a cyber-space ninja warrior, and a gory-squid man. Now games like those do cost a bit of money to get into, just like sports.
Off note: The above paragraph is slightly funky looking because I clicked the "quote" button, and it decided to make it look funky, like a quote. So deal with it.

     Anyway, where was I? Yes, table-top games, they're cool, but I never got into them. Too pricey. That's when I discovered this game known as Brikwars. Btw, that's not a typo. Brikwars is a game where you have rules and statistics, just like a table-top game, but it uses the inexpensive LEGO figures. Inexpensive is a broad term, most people have at least five-bajillion LEGO guys lyin' around. The whole aspect of that game is cool to me, it's like a real-time strategy game come to life, on a table, with a LEGO dude. Yeah, so that's a swig of random for you today, enjoy the rest of your day!

Monday, April 28, 2014

The Little Ant That Couldn't

     The other day I was sitting outside on a concrete patio thing. I looked down and something caught my eye. A small ant was trudging along with a minuscule piece of mulch. Now, to an ant, that little piece of mulch could be super useful. It could be a support beam in a little ant mining tunnel, or it could be a dinner table. I also noticed that about a foot away was the ant's supposed ant-hill. Normally, I would have just watched as the ant moved on to his home, but sadly, the ant was having trouble. He was trying to escape a crevice from where two concrete slabs meet. I watched on as the ant would start the climb, then tumble down into the crevice. I watched this for what seemed like ages. I finally decided to be a good citizen and attempt to help him. I plucked up a small piece of grass, and started to scoop him out of his predicament. Unfortunately, I did more harm than good. The ant was sent sprawling and sprinted off with I don't know how many broken "bones". I took it upon myself to re-write this encounter into a first-person narrative. Enjoy.

      I scouted along the rough ground and searched for the valuable piece of material. Through a patch of brush I saw it. It sat like a king upon a throne. I shoved through the grass and entered into the canyon. I moved ever closer to the large beam of wood. I hefted it upon my shoulders and analyzed my surroundings. The hill was a good mile away, I would have to be swift. Even if I could get out of the canyon, I would have to avoid the watchful eyes of the giants.

     I pressed myself against the sheer stone walls and started the climb. One foot, than the other, one foot, than the other. The wind was knocked out of me as I fell for the first time. I tried this countless other times, to no avail. When all hope was lost, I looked up and saw something in the sky. A thin green sapling was slowly descending from above. It looked friendly, perhaps it would help me? No such luck. The green limb swept me off my feet. I could feel the pain of thousands of broken bones. I limped off as fast I could. I looked up at him as took pleasure in my failure.  

Friday, April 25, 2014

The Sincerest of Apologies

   Ok, so I've been a horrible horrible jerk to you guys. I haven't been keeping up with my regular schedule of posting. Now that I think about the term 'horrible horrible jerk', I realize how redundant that is. Does that mean I've done a bad job of being a jerk? In this case, I'd probably merit the title, 'a really really good jerk', as in I've done a good job of being a jerk. Anywho, moving on.

Again, I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much lately, I've had alot of stuff bouncing around in my head. I probably have a few too many leisure activities that suck up my time. I run two youtube channels (no, I shant be telling which two), so I have to continue to feed material to the masses, which can be tough.

And last week I promised to post the first part of a story. Sorry I haven't really gotten around to that. I'm always busy procrastinating. I should really start a procrastinators club, I'll do it tomorrow. *ba-dum-tsss*

But since I haven't written the story yet, and so far it only consists of a few ideas bouncing around in my head, I'll give you a brief overview of some of it.

-It will told in the first person perspective.
-It will take place in the cyber-punk space age future.
-Each part will begin with a "captains log" entry.
-It will pretty creepy.

That's all I'll tell you for now. Just be patient and stick with the blog, and I'll eventually get to it.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Shocked Hipster

Ok, So I know what you're thinking, "This dude promised us stuff on Friday! And he didn't even post on his regular Monday schedule!" Well, if you live under a rock and didn't know what day Sunday was, then you would still be mad. Turns out, life got busy recently. And I will write that story I promised you peoples. It just takes a lot of time to sit down and perfect a story. Again, today's post is short, so to appease you people, I'll give a comic/doodle on a Tuesday.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Big things!

     Hey there people! I've got something big planned. Basically on Friday, I'm going to start a new series of a satory. I'll release the first part of it. It's basically just going to be the story that takes place in space, and it's going to be more on the creepy side. So that means no comic on Friday. :(

I know this post leaves a little bit to be desired, but hey, I'll make up for it on Friday! :) See'ya then!

Friday, April 11, 2014

Fantasy Movie Logic

     Hey there people! I've got something big planned. Basically on Friday, I'm going to start a new series of a satory. I'll release the first part of it. It's basically just going to be the story that takes place in space, and it's going to be more on the creepy side. So that means no comic on Friday. :(

I know this post leaves a little bit to be desired, but hey, I'll make up for it on Friday! :) See'ya then!

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Heists and other cool stuff

     Lately I've been playing a game called Monaco: What's Yours Is Mine. It's basically a game where you play as master thieves, completing daring heists and rescues. It's a pretty fun game. I may do a review for it eventually.

I don't know why, but heists have always been cool to me. Not that I would ever take part in one, due to them being a criminal act and all, but they have always been cool

I don't know what makes the thought of it attractive, perhaps punching a hole in security with carefully planted computer viruses, dawning disguises to slip right under people's noses, or being like a ninja and carefully incapacitating guards. The whole idea was cool. Maybe it's the essence of the whole event being orchestrated perfectly.

When I find something that interests me, like any author would, I write a story about it. I was so intrigued by the whole concept of a super cool heist, that it's the main theme in the serangiffus I'm writing. I'm tempted to post said story in parts. That's a bit of ways off because as of right now, it's very, very, rough. Meaning that it's not quite ready to be read just yet.

But yeah, heists and that kind of stuff are cool. I wish people would invent a simulator where you could do awesome stuff like that. That would be pretty neat. You and your buddies could coordinate movements and figure out how to get to your objective. I'm sure they already have video games like that, but you can't really capture a real experience in a video game. And it would be a nice change to not have to be a dirty criminal.

So this concluded today's post. On Friday I'll have a comic all ready for ya'll. Stay tuned!  

Monday, April 7, 2014

Misunderstood Lemmings

     Today I got curious. In pop culture, sometimes people will talk about the suicidal tendencies of lemmings. An example of this stereotype would be the comic strip Pearl Before Swine, which often depicts the fuzzy litter rodents leaping to their death from a high cliff.

Yes, an example.

Like any blogger who's looking for any sort of slightly entertaining material, I researched into it. Upon delving into the crevices of the internet, I found the rumor *like most* to be false. The small fuzzy animals do not kill themselves in any way, shape, or form. The source of the rumor comes from that when lemmings cross rivers/streams, they drown. People automatically assumed that the lemmings purposely walked to their death.

Imagine a person starts choking. Let's say *hypothetically and morbidly* this man dies from the choking incident. A horrible, horrible accident. Would you appreciate it if someone assumed you meant to choke on the food?! Imagine how a lemming feels when people assume their death was intentional!!!

Yeah, so people should learn not to judge people if they choke on food or die in a river. Food for thought.   

Friday, April 4, 2014

Math anger

Okay, peeps. It's Friday, so that means it's comic time! Enjoy!


Go ahead and groan.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Biking and drawings and stuff.

Today I had the chance to ride my bike for the first time this spring. It was a very relaxing experience. Then again, the first time you ride your bike in the spring is almost always a relaxing experience. Whether it be the rush of the wind, or the the sheer serenity of it. What's super fancy is that on the bike I use, it has multiple gears. So when I'm going up an incline, I can make it easier . . . or harder . . .

Apparently, bikes are supposed to follow all traffic laws. Well if you live in a neighborhood, there's not much traffic to obey. Do I honestly need to signal which way I'm going if there's not a moving car in front of me, behind me, or within a mile of me? I suppose it sets good habits though, oh well.


So today I got bored and drew something. I normally like to draw (just look at the comics section), but today I wanted to draw a big picture. I mean a big drawing. Like take up the whole page sort of drawing. So I took the liberty to share it with you.



Ummmm yeah. So enjoy that bit of stick man zombie apocalypse. 

Monday, March 31, 2014

Hope

What?! Two posts in two days?! Yep, I was pretty anxious to share with you guys a new story!

                                                                Hope

     The man walked briskly up the fire escape to the top floor of the abandoned building. He had a schedule to keep. He slid through an open window into an empty room. He walked over to another window on the opposite wall and crouched down. He sat down a briefcase he was carrying and unlatched it. Inside sat a sniper rifle that was broken down into individual sections. He pulled each piece out carefully and clasped them together. He leaned the large rifle against the wall and pulled out his phone. He pulled up a page with all the information he needed about his mission. Her name was Hope Banks, a CIA agent. He studied her picture closely. He didn’t want to slip up. He set his phone down and pulled out a pair of binoculars. He peered out the window at the scenery. An empty bench sat serenely against the crisp river backdrop. That’s where she would be.

     At exactly two PM sharp, the woman appeared and sat down on the bench. The man gripped the sniper rifle with his gloved hands and propped his stubble-covered cheek against the stock. He shoved a magazine up into the rifle. He pulled the bolt back, and then pushed it forward, locking a round in the chamber. He looked down the scope and balanced himself. He gently moved the crosshairs over the woman’s head and held his breath.

     Meanwhile, Hope Banks sat on her bench with her legs crossed. She had just picked up a novel from the store, and was anxious to read it. She reached down into her bag, when something caught her eye. Something subtle, yet a familiar sight. She slowly moved back from the bag and sat straight up. She noticed a glint of light, the sun was reflecting off of something. She located the small flare of light and stared right at it. She knew she was in someone’s sights.

     The man’s eyes grew wide. She knew what was about to happen. Normally, when the target sees you, you run and the mission is considered as a failure. But all he had to do was pull the trigger…

     His finger hovered over the trigger and gently started pulling it back. Right before he reached the firing point, he stopped. He had done this many times before, what stopped him this time? She continued to stare at him and slowly mouthed, “Just do it…” The man pulled his finger away from the trigger. No, he couldn’t do it. He would not go down that road again… He pulled the gun in from the window and let it fall to the ground. The woman relaxed. She reached down and pulled the book out of her bag and started reading.

     The man sat against the wall in his sniping position. He felt a mixture of emotions he had never felt before. Guilt, remorse, anger. Amidst his negative feelings, he clung to a feeling that he had never felt before – hope. He packed the gun up and started making his way down to street level. He entered an alley and tossed the briefcase into a dumpster. He kept on walking through the alley. He stopped just short of the entrance. He looked out at the woman named Hope. She sat there peacefully reading despite everything that just happened. He didn’t realize how beautiful she was until then. He stood and watched for what seemed like hours. She eventually put her book away and started making her way towards the alley.

     He frantically found a shadowy corner and concealed himself. She entered the alley and started to make her way down. The man peaked around a corner and watched her. He slipped and accidently kicked a tin can. The woman stopped short halfway down the alley.

“You’re him, aren’t you?” the woman said.

The man stayed where he was silently.

“Come out. I know you’re there,” she said in a commanding tone.

The man crept out of his corner until he was in full view. She turned around and looked at him.

“Why didn’t you kill me? You had a perfect shot with a T-12 sniper rifle with a 20x scope. You couldn’t have missed,” she continued.

The man stared blankly at her.

“I know who you are. You’re Geoffrey Mattson, infamous bounty hunter and assassin. You always get your prey,” she spoke up again. “I’m going to ask you again, why didn’t you kill me?”

“You were different,” the man replied feebly.

     She was taken aback by this. A cold blooded assassin stood before her, trying to explain why he didn’t kill her. This man was heartless, but she could sense something inside of him that was trying to escape – hope. Hope for a better life.

“And why was I different?” she replied.

“My whole career I never thought about who I was killing. I simply viewed them as a paycheck, and nothing more.”

     Hope looked down at the ground thinking. She could analyze the most talented liar, and tell you if they were telling the truth or not, and this man in front of her, wasn’t lying.

“Can- can we start over?” the man’s pleading voice pulled her back to reality.

She looked up at him. Except this time, she didn’t see a killer, she saw a man who wanted to start over.

“Yes, I’d like that,” she replied.

“I’m Geoffrey. Most people call me Geoff,” he said in a stuttering voice.

“I’m Hope,” she said in calm voice.

“So you like to read?” he said, trying to retain what little composure he had left.

“Yes, I do. And you?”

“I do; when I have the time.”

     Hope pulled the book she was reading out of her bag and held it up, “The Great Gatsby, have you ever read it?”

“I have, actually. I really enjoyed it.”

She pushed the book back into her bag. A silence filled the next few moments.

“Wou- would you like to go and get a cup of coffee?” Geoff spoke up nervously.

Hope was again taken by surprise.

“Sure. That sounds nice,” she found herself saying.

     They escorted each-other out of the alley and spent the evening talking over a cup of coffee. Geoff’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at it. A text message read, “Is she dead?” He pressed the delete button and put the phone back in his pocket.

“What was that?” Hope said.

“Nothing. Where were we?” he replied with a smile. He knew that things would change. He could change, because of one thing - Hope.



The End

Baseball season and I wish it rained tacos

Well, it's getting around to that time of the year when baseball season moves in to replace basketball season. I personally love baseball season. It's one of my favorite summer things to do. I don't know if it's grilling out while the game's on TV, going to a game and smelling that sweet smell of peanut shells and sunflower seeds, or even if it's the mind numbing experience of sitting in the nosebleed seats. But yes, the entire baseball experience is amazing. You can't call yourself American until you've been to at least one baseball game.

Playing baseball was always fun. Whether that be in the back yard, or an actual game, you could always have an epic time. Even if you only had three people playing, you'd somehow make do with it. When playing a game of baseball with only three people, terms such as, "Ghost on this base!" would be uttered, and arguments over whether a pitch was a strike or a ball were to be had.
Oh yes, baseball is nice. You should eat a taco at a baseball game. This slowly transitions us into my next topic.


The other day I witnessed a popular youtube video by the name of Raining Tacos. It was a humorous video/song about a situation where tacos rain from the heavens. Most people would chuckle at this notion and simply move on with their lives. Well, I'm a thinker, so I naturally thought about what it would be like if it were to actually rain tacos. At first, one may think, "How awesome! Free food!" But after thinking about it for a few seconds, you can see how it has bad points as well.

Tacos are loose food, meaning that they aren't contained together, like a sandwich. For one to consume a taco, you must hold it upright so as to not dump the fillings out. If it were raining tacos, then wouldn't the fillings simply fly everywhere? It wouldn't be raining tacos, rather, it would be raining meat, cheese, lettuce, and shell. I suppose if you were to catch a taco before it hit the ground, then you could safely eat it. But to catch a falling taco, you would have to be a ninja of the secret ninja epic clan. Food for thought. *ba-dum-tsssss*  

Friday, March 28, 2014

Peanut Oil Powered, Mexican Viper Shooting Steampunk Shotgun

Well, in follow up to yesterday's post, I've decided to post a picture of a Peanut Oil Powered, Mexican Viper Shooting Steampunk Shotgun. I know it's not a comic, but I thought maybe some equally warped person would enjoy it. :P


Thursday, March 27, 2014

Hook, Line, and Sinker

     Someone should invent a steam-punk shotgun that's powered by peanut oil and shoots Mexican vipers. That sentence my friends, is what we writers call a hook. A hook is meant to grab the readers attention and lure them into the snare that is a piece of writing. It is the utter essence of good writing. The bread and butter of the author. We use it to make the writing interesting, and epic. The key to good writing is to have a good hook, and play on it from there.

Unfortunately, I will not be playing upon the hook of a steam-punk shotgun (hopefully). However cool, it doesn't quite work out as a topic.

The hardest part about writing these posts may not be that obvious to readers. The thing that's the hardest is coming up with a topic. Some people may write blog posts in advance, so that if they can't come with anything at the time of posting, they can just tap into their "reserves" of writing. I don't believe in this. I think that takes away from the authenticity of the blog. It takes away the fun. It's sorta like an exercise, writing a blog post as you post them. You're testing yourself by pushing your brain to come up with ideas. It can also lead to some very interesting topics.

Okay, so I may have just went a little off topic. But no need to fear, I shall fix the probl- hey? Is that catapult built out of clothespins and popsicle sticks on my desk? Crikey, it is. Yes sir-y, I have one of those on my desk. I built it out of a design in the book Mini Weapons of Mass Destruction. I know what you're thinking, "They actually have a book called that?" The answer is yes. Out of said book you can build an arsenal of weapons out of basic office supplies. Unfortunately, there are no steam-punk shotgun builds inside. You'll just have to be content with crossbows, blow-guns, catapults, and other pencil-powered weapons.
   
Well, it started out as just a random thought, but I just pondered on how awesome a steam-punk shotgun that shoots Mexican vipers would be. As your enemy charges you, you could simply fire a Mexican viper at them and walk away. Hmmmmmmm, you can probably expect a drawing of a steam-punk shotgun in the near future... Maybe I could add some cool details... *rambles on about steam-punk shotguns and how to draw one*
   
Anyway, back on topic we go (or try)! So yeah, if you can have a good hook at the beginning of a writing, you can almost for certain reel in a few readers. Don't believe me? Look at yourself now. You've read this entire post, all because the concept of a steam-punk shotgun that shoots Mexican vipers hooked you in.  

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Put the "fun" in fundraiser, and the most epic battle in the whole entire universe

     The other day I took part in helping at a fundraiser. Let's face it, fundraisers are not typically fun. At all. People who go to them are there because they feel obligated, and the people who are helping aren't very enthusiastic sometimes.
*Steps up onto soapbox* "Someone should really fix that and put the fun in fundraiser!"
Random person in the crowd: "Why don't you fix this problem RhinoA3096?"
Me: "What? How absurd! I'm a blogger! I'm only qualified to point out the problems of the world and do nothing to fix them!"
Random person in the crowd: "......."
But really, fundraisers should really become more fun. Maybe something like, "With every donation, you get a free cactus." Or maybe, "If you donate, we'll give you a free hour of ninja training!" Yeah, that would definitely put the fun in fundraising. For bake-sales, you could shoot cookies out of a disk launcher after people buy them. It would be like TRON but with deliciousness. You know you would go to a bake sale where you could do that....

Moving on.
The other day I was pondering what the most epic battle in the entire universe would be. When pondering this, you don't think of what would happen, but rather, you think about the different contenders. That's what makes the most epic battle in the entire universe epic anyways. Upon thirty seconds of pondering, below is a list of the contenders that would make the epic battle epic. They span all across time and space.

- Master Chief
- Darth Vader
- Mr. Wong (Only a handful of readers will understand this reference, but for those who aren't in that exclusive group, Mr. Wong is a ninja.)
- James Bond
- The Black Knight
- The Mario Bros.
- Bruce Lee
- Chell
- Indiana Jones
- Iron Man
- Captain America
- Gandalf
- The Flappy Bird

Just to name a few. Of course, looking at the list, most of the contenders would perish within minutes. But hey, if they only add five seconds of awesome, then it doesn't matter. Some of the listed people have distinct advantages, such as the Black Knight. He could suffer multiple injuries and still continue fighting. Or the Flappy bird who could fly around annoying everyone. It's too bad a battle of this magnitude will ever occur. But if it did, I would bet all my popcorn on Gandalf.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

"Spelunky" Review

     Today I'm doing something a little different. But that's okay, because this is my blog, and I can do what I want!
I will be reviewing an indie game that I recently found, called Spelunky. I found it to be a neat little game. Be warned, don't play it unless you're planning on spending hours on it! This game can be played for free here. It has gone through two phases: original, and HD remake. The free version is the original 8-bit game, and the HD remake has flashy graphics and can be purchased on Steam for $14.99. I will be reviewing the free original version. (Because everyone loves free stuff!)
The title screen of the original version.

     Enough of this preface junk! On with the review! But first, I will go into a long and boring explanation as to how I review games. Basically, I have multiple categories that I will grade with letter ratings (ie. A+, C- etc.). See? That wasn't so long and boring? For real now, on with the review!!!

Gameplay
   Spelunky has a very addictive approach to 2-D side-scrolling platformer games. It plays very similarly to a game about a certain mustached plumber. Now, it isn't just a knock-off Mario game, it has it's own elements of brilliance. This game is a randomly generated dungeon crawler game. You go level to level through caves and tunnels hunting for treasure, saving damsels in distress, and outsmarting traps. Every time you fail a level, you come back with new knowledge on how to outsmart a certain game mechanic. I would describe it as one of the most horribly amazing games ever. You can employ a variety of tactics to work your way around the caves, including bombs and ropes. The bombs (as you probably expected) blow things up. In this case, enemies, or walls into another passage. Ropes can be used to reach ledges and platforms that are otherwise unreachable. The game gives you a lot of slack in how you want to approach it. Do you want to go through the level snatching every piece of treasure in sight? Do you want to get through as quick as possible? Do you go through Chuck Norris style and blow everything up? It's up to you. The game also has many items you can purchase from shops. These items range from jet packs to shotguns. You have total freedom.
     With the good points, come the bad points. You will most likely find yourself becoming quickly frustrated at the frequent deaths. You'll be one step away from getting to the exit, only to be shot down by a dart trap you didn't see before. You'll look down a pit, thinking it's safe, only to be impaled by a row of deadly spikes. The main downside is how there is no save feature (at least I haven't found one). You'll get quite a ways into the game, only to face an untimely demise.
A prime example of the play style.
    
Overall, the gameplay utilizes many different strategies to make you want to come back for more! I give the gameplay an A-.

Story

    The game itself (at least the classic version) doesn't have much of a story. When you launch the game, a few lines of randomly generated back-story appear, such as, "I put the faded photo back in my pocket, as I drained the last of my canteen, and thought of her one last time." I have yet to beat the game, but so far that appears to be the only story. This is an issue that maybe has been resolved in the remake, but as for this, no such luck. I give the story a D-

Graphics

     This section has a bit of leeway. Keep in mind I'm reviewing the classic 8-bit version. This game was remade with new textures and HD graphics. For the sake of consistency, I'll be reviewing the free version.
You can probably tell from pictures and the fact that I've already told you, this is an 8-bit game. If you can stomach 8-bit games, then this is your cup of tea. If you wretch at the sight of them, you will most likely not enjoy the graphics. Despite the primitive visuals, Spelunky is a very impressive 8-bit game. It has very fluid movements and physics. You can easily tell what most objects are in the game. So you won't find yourself straining your eyes to see if you're about to step on a trap, or treasure. My only quarrel with the graphics is that the background seems to have some motion error at points. But this can be easily overlooked.
File:Spelunky 2008vs2012-comparision.jpg
Spelunky original, and HD remake graphics comparison. 
Overall, I give the Spelunky original graphics a B-

Music
     As you can imagine, with an 8-bit game comes 8-bit-esque music. The music mainly plays in the background, and can be easily overlooked by someone who isn't listening. Overall, I think the music is mediocre, but still fitting to the game. It has an air of mystery and discovery. The music picks up as the game becomes more tense. 
Overall, the music may leave a little bit to be desired, but I think it's pretty fitting for the game. I give the music a C+.

Controls
     Normally, I wouldn't include an entire section for controls of a game, but for this I had to. When you first start the game, you'll find the controls to be clunky and hard to remember. After playing a few times through, you'll gradually get the feel for them. I still accidentally crack my whip instead of jumping sometimes, and I've logged a few hours into the game. So newbies be warned, the controls have a steep learning curve. I give the controls a D.

Easter Eggs
      Just like controls, I wouldn't normally include a selection for Easter Eggs, but there are so many in this game, you can't just ignore them in a review! Throughout the levels you'll find a satirical idol that resembles the one in Raiders of the Lost Ark. At the beginning of a level, your character will mumble how he hates snakes. This game is chock full of em'. When you find a shop, the (old man) shop owner sits feebly in a corner watching as you look at his goods. If you try to steal from the shop, he'll spring at you and chase you with his shotgun! If you throw a bomb into the shop, he'll blow you away while exclaiming, "Terrorist!"
One of the many shops you may find throughout the game.
     Other Easter Eggs include the damsels in distress. Throughout the levels you may find a lady standing in a dangerous situation while yelling for help. You can either help her, (and in turn get a kiss at the end of the level gaining health) or you can simply use her as a human shield against the many different dangers of the caves. :P 
I give the Easter Eggs an A++. 

Overall
     I think that Spelunky is a treasure (pun intended) in 8-bit platforming that only comes around every so often. It will sink its teeth into you and will continue to do so until you finally conquer the game (which I have yet to do). What it lacks in story and graphics, it makes up for in its various references, Easter Eggs, and gameplay. You'll want to continue to delve deep into the Earth to experiment with new things, and try your hand at wielding a whip. Overall, I give Spelunky an A-. You should really check out the original if you haven't already. I hope this review was helpful, and leave a comment letting me know what you think!   
   

Friday, March 21, 2014

Mummy Probs

♫ It's Friday, Friday! Gonna post a comic on Friday! 
:P   I hope you enjoy it guys!


Thursday, March 20, 2014

"Why do we post things on the internet?" and "Internet reliability"



     This post will probably resemble a real blog post rather than my usual random conglomeration of stuff. But that doesn't mean it won't make you laugh.
     The other day I saw a video where a guy was talking about things we should ask ourselves before posting stuff online. At the end of the video, he says for the final question, "Why am I posting this?". Well this got me thinking, "Why do we actually post things on the internet?" Well, I calculated a few answers:
    1: We're trying to make ourselves look cool. Just think about it. 95% of the time, when we post something, we're trying to be like, "Hey world! Look at me! I just went out and ate dinner with my friends! Aren't I cool!?!?" Now, I am being a hypocrite here, I am guilty of things such as this. Moving on.
   2: People are just trying to seek praise or attention. This one is very similar to number 1, but still different. We've all the seen the picture online of a girl who posts a selfie then writes, "I'm soooooo ugly!!!!!" My reaction is, "If you think yourself to be so ugly, then why did you just post a picture of yourself? Do you want to spread your ugliness?!" In reality, this person is just seeking comments such as, "No! You're beautiful!" I call this situation,  "fishing for compliments". Below is a very accurate illustration I found online. 
Since I found that comic on the internet, this is a transition sentence that leads into my next topic, which is Internet reliability. In modern days such as this, we are graced with the ability to access the entirety of all knowledge ever gained by man, with the touch of a button. Do we use this knowledge to learn more about the world around us? Do we use it to better society as a whole? The answer to both those questions is, you guessed it, NO. Instead, we scroll through funny pictures and watch pointless 7-second videos. Just like in number one, I am guilty of this.
    The only time we humans use the internet as what it's meant for, is when we have the occasional research project. We spend the night before it's due cramming knowledge in and becoming professors in a single topic. That situation reminds me of that scene in avengers.
  By now you're probably thinking, "This person hasn't even talked about the reliability of the internet." I'm getting to that. But first, let's ponder on the science behind the multiple uses of silly putty. It can make a bouncy ball, it can fade newspaper, and it can get stuck in your hair. OK, pondering over.
    When we research for a research paper, we turn to the internet. We hope to find the information we're looking for, but instead we find fake resources and dead-ends. You turn to Wikipedia, hoping that it will have a scrap of information you can use, and you find, "Newton's 1st law of motion: elephants cry when the planets are aligned in perfect synchronization." We sit there with a blank face and think, "Sounds legit."
    You'd think that the internet would be one of the most reliable sources of information because it's so large and "regulated", but sadly, it isn't. There are people who live under the illusion that everything on the internet is true. When I say everything, I mean everything. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes.

"You can never be sure whether a quote or information is legit on the internet." - Abraham Lincoln, 1983

That is a perfect example of the spicy unreliable cesspool that is the internet. Well, I think I achieved my goal of writing a longer blog post. So yeah, there's not much else to say other than, "Live long and may the force be with you prosperously." - Martin Luther King Jr. - 1772   

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Short story

Hey all! I decided to post a short story for you guys. Enjoy it!


                                                 Stains


     Stains, they taint everything. You are probably most familiar with the stains that occur on clothing. Well, all the same, they taint everything. Every aspect of man’s existence can be tainted with stains. Sometimes people will have stains on their mind that make them not think clearly. Stains can give people a distorted view of reality…


     As I walked along the sidewalk next to the crowded downtown street, my sense of fear increased. I don’t know what it was, but it felt like I was being watched. I repeatedly scanned my surroundings only to see the expressionless faces of the surrounding pedestrians. I continued walking. I eventually came upon the entrance to an alley. It looked like a pitch-dark tunnel with a small dot of light at the end. For some unknown reason, the alley appeared strangely attractive to me. After serving in the military for five years, you develop a rather large sense of adventure. “I could use a short-cut,” I figured as I entered into the alley. I regretted my decision after I got about half-way through. In reality, the alley was much larger than it seemed. I continued walking for what seemed like forever. After my eyes adjusted, I examined my surroundings. The alley was full of refuse and litter. I noticed a shadow crouching behind a dumpster. Before I could react, the figure pounced on me and pulled a bag over my face! The last thing I remember was slowly falling to the ground.


     I awoke tied to a chair. The bag was quickly whipped off my face and I squinted from the lights in the room. I was in a large room, probably a warehouse. Before me stood a built, wiry man with his arms crossed in front of him. He had many scars across his face.

“It’s about time you woke up,” Said the man in a rough voice.

“Who are you? What do you want with me?!” I replied harshly.

“Now now now, don’t worry. All your questions will be answered,” He said in a calming tone. The man started pacing around me. I craned my neck to follow him.

“You are rather fortunate. You have been chosen,” He spoke up.

“Chosen for what?” I replied irritated.

“The hunt.”

“What hunt? You’d better tell me what’s going on right now!”

     The man charged towards the chair and leaned close to me. His words came out like ice. “You, Jake Greyson, have been given the honor of being chosen for the hunt.”

     He backed away and started slithering around me again. I had been captured, interrogated, and much worse throughout my service in the war, but this guy had an air of terror around him that put me on edge.

“The human race is due for further evolution. We are destined for so much more, physically, and mentally,” The man hissed. “Few people have realized this. I’m one of those people.”

     This guy was talking nonsense. I examined the room further for a possible escape, but he continued with his monologue.

“I find people who show potential in becoming superior, and then I test them. You, Jake Greyson, show potential.”

“And what kind of test is this?” I replied.

“The hunt is the test. I will release you into the “arena”, and then I shall test you to see if you truly show potential. Your extensive military background shows promise…”

“And what if I pass?”

He scoffed. “Well, no one has passed yet…” The man said. “If you fail, then I was wrong, you are not fit to be superior. Those who fail are terminated.”

     It finally hit me; this man was a lunatic who believed himself to be higher than everyone else. He hunted people for sport and backed it up with a hollow theory he convinced himself to believe. I could only think of the countless other people that had to go through this torment before “failing” the “test”.

“You’re insane…” I whispered harshly.

“Am I? Or am I the only one that see’s the human race how it should be?!” Those were the last words I heard before he pulled another bag over my face and knocked me out cold.

     When I awoke (again), I was crumpled on the floor in another room. A set of doors were wide open and the man stood in between them. I weakly got to my feet and tried to clear my head. “You have ten minutes before the hunt begins,” The man said as he pulled the two doors closed. I heard a lock click. The room was plunged into absolute darkness. Single light-bulbs flickered to life, lighting the room eerily. They were spread across the room leaving patches of darkness in between them. After I got to my senses I saw where I was. I was inside a huge warehouse building that was scattered with shelves full of random boxes. I started weighing my options in my head: fight, escape, or hide. I couldn’t fight, despite his going on about how he was superior, he was likely armed. Escape probably wasn’t going to work out. The building’s entrances were most likely locked and blocked off. That left hiding as my only option. He said that I only had ten minutes, and I had spent three pondering my options. I sprinted down one of the many aisles in the warehouse. I found a nice dark space in between some crates. I nestled myself in and waited. A gunshot rang through the entire warehouse. My first thought, “Crap, he’s got a gun.”

“Mr. Greyson, your test has officially begun!” I heard the man yell.

     I sat behind my crates in a cold sweat for what seemed like hours. I heard footsteps slowly approaching. I gasped and held my breath. The footsteps stopped. I slowly peeked around the corner of the boxes to see if he was there. Nothing. I turned back around only to come face to face with the man. “Mr. Greyson, I expected much more from you…” He said in a hypnotic tone. I yelled and swung my fist at him! He dodged it with ease and backed up. He grabbed me by the arm and swung me out of my hiding place. I flopped to the ground and started fake coughing, acting as if I was really wounded. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him approach me slowly. “Mr. Grey---“ He started, but I quickly lunged at his feet and toppled him to the ground! We struggled back and forth for the upper hand! The man was surprisingly strong for such a wiry build. He eventually squirmed out of the melee and climbed up a pile of boxes like a monkey. He pulled out a handgun and pointed it at me. I looked up at him with resignation. I could tell he was arguing with himself in his mind. He holstered the gun at his side and looked right at me. “Mr. Greyson, you have pleasantly surprised me. You’re different from other people. I’ve elected not to fail you just yet. I could use a challenge,” He said as he ran off deeper into the warehouse. My fear of this man diminished slightly. I knew now that he was no longer the dominant predator. My brain switched from defense to offense. There was still a chance of me getting out of this mess. I trotted down an aisle of shelves to start looking for a weapon. Finding a firearm was unrealistic, so I would have to make do with what was around me. I crouched down and looked under a shelf. I pulled out a two foot long steel pipe. Upon examining it, I found a small patch of dried blood on the end of the pipe. I looked around myself at the floor and noticed something I hadn’t seen before, red stains were everywhere. Blood stains, more specifically. My stomach turned at the sight. This man was a monster, and he had to be stopped. I moved a few boxes and lay down on a shelf. When the man came by, I would be able to ambush him.

     The lights in the warehouse flickered. I could hear shelves around me shaking. He was leaping aisle to aisle looking for me. I found a small screw and flicked it down on the ground in my vicinity. The whole warehouse grew silent as if it was holding its breath. A few moments later, the man leapt down from above and looked around slowly. He started stalking up and down the aisles getting ever closer to my location. I remained as still as a statue as he walked past my location. I rolled off my shelf and swung my pipe right at his head! He raised his hand with lighting speed and caught it! With his other hand he pulled out a huge knife and swung at me! I barely dodged the razor sharp blade! I wrenched the pipe from his grasp and sprung into a defensive stance. “

“Can’t you see it? We’re superior to others. I simply separate the wheat from the chaff. And you have certainly proven yourself to be among the wheat,” The man said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“You’re wrong. No one is superior to anyone. No matter how strong, or how smart, no matter what cause we fight for. We’re all sinners, we all have faults,” I replied trying to pacify him.

The man sighed. “It’s a shame. You were almost the first person to pass…” He pulled out his handgun and took aim.

    Right before he fired I lunged through an adjacent shelf avoiding the bullet! I started running for my life through the warehouse maze. I looked back and saw the man starting in pursuit! He fired a couple more rounds at my back, which missed by a great distance. I slowed down and cut a corner into a new row of shelving. The man dropped down from above right in front of me! I shoved his gun away from me as it fired again! We both wrestled for control of it! The muzzle wavered in between me and him repeatedly. A flash, a bang, another stain was added to the floor.



The End.

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